On Thursdays we go to the library. Henry was in a lot of pain and was incredibly fussy due to digestion issues for the first five months of his life which made it really hard to get out of the house. Since he has been feeling better (praise the Lord!) we have been able to get out and do the things I always dreamed I'd do as a stay-at-home momma.
I always get excited on Wednesday night talking to Emma about going to the library the next day. We go to a class for babies/toddlers with stories, music and centers. It is so fun! My sweet boy still has a hard time sleeping through the night and wakes up at least twice. This particular night Emma was also having a hard time for whatever reason. It basically felt like they were tag-teaming all night and the morning came all too soon! The way it worked out, Henry's first nap landed right when our library class would have started. After the long night, I decided his nap was important and that we would try to get to the class late. Of course, Henry ended up refusing the nap and poor Emma was anxious to get to the library because.. toddlers do NOT forget what you promise them. I threw them both in the car in a hurry and we made our way almost an hour behind schedule. After driving for a few minutes I noticed the gas light was on.
I started to feel really sorry for myself. I kept thinking, "if only my baby slept through the night, if only my toddler listened to me more, if only I could be on time for SOMETHING." Then, this song came on that we've heard many times before. I heard a tiny voice singing from the backseat, "after all, You are constant... after all You are only good." I instantly started ugly crying. The kind of ugly cry where you wish you didn't try to be a hip mom with liquid eyeliner that morning. I also wished I had actual tissues in my purse and not baby wipes (no wonder my kids cry when I wipe their noses with those things, it 100% feels like a dog is licking your face).
After that sweet moment mixed in with all the messy ones, I changed my attitude. I got gas and we got to the library. We missed our class, we were too loud and too messy but we had so much fun. That morning my two-year-old reminded me that even in our hardest moments, God is always on our side. He is constant and He is good. I don't think that God wants me to pretend to have it all together or to be happy all the time. I do believe that when we are weary, He wants us to run to Him.
To the mommas who are tired, overwhemed and weary... I feel you. But just know that you are doing really amazing, hard work and that God has you RIGHT where He wants you. Even though I know Emma doesn't understand what the words mean when she sings them, I pray that one day she will.